Understand Why You Feel What You Feel - Untangling Emotions by Alasdair Groves & Winston Smith Book Reflection & Review

Emotions are kind of strange when you think about it. Everyone experiences them differently, and I know at least I have trouble identifying with people who feel strongly about things I could not care less about. Untangling Emotions made a few big contributions to the way I understand and (hope to) relate to my emotions.  

The first big contribution of Untangling Emotions is their observations that emotions, and especially strong emotions like anger, fear and grief communicate our values. “Your emotions are always expressing the things you love, value and treasure, whether you understand them or not.” (35) When we are feeling any emotion, good or bad, that means that something we love is being affected in some way. 

Secondly, our emotions don’t just come one at a time. If emotions arise in us as a result of what we treasure and value, and we value a lot of different things, it makes sense that we experience a variety of emotions all at the same time. This explains why we don’t always respond to good things (or bad things) as strongly as we think we should. This also can lead to some confusion about our emotions (why am I sad even though this great thing just happened?).

Finally, Groves & Smith give us a roadmap to engaging our emotions. Rather than bowing to our emotions or ignoring our emotions, they give really good instructions on how to engage emotions effectively. They advocate for investigating our emotions rather than judging them as good or bad right off the bat. Here are their three steps: First, identify what emotions you’re feeling. Second, examine your emotion by asking questions like, “Why am I feeling this?”, “What am I reacting to?” and so on. Finally, evaluate your emotion by asking questions like, “What parts of what I’m feeling are good and godly, and what parts are destructive or selfish?” There’s more guidance in the book, you’ll have to read it to find out! 

I’d recommend this book to anyone who wants to understand their emotions or help others engage their emotions!